have you ever noticed that when people of high stature have problems people below them are usually the ones who suffer.
like when parents are having their own issues their children always feel some reprocussion of their bad mood.
i wish people would learn to deal with their own trouble w/o involving other people.
really.
its not our fault your life is screwed up.
deal with it.

omg.
skin.
[insiderrr]

wow.
i just needed to say that.

oh.
and Dan better bring me cupcake.
or ill beat him upppp.

I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Wish that you could, but you ain't gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me.
Oh, no.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

There's a place that I go,
But nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it home.

And there's no more lies.
In the darkness, there's light.
And nobody cries.
There's only butterflies.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

Take me away: A secret place.
To better days take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.

when he can't choke down the medicine the old doc knows
a specialist came to town but he stays at home
saying no one knows so i don't honey when in rome

where can a teacher go
wherever she thinks people need the things she knows
hey those books you gave us look good on the shelves at home
and they'll burn warm in the fireplace teacher when in rome

grab a blanket sister we'll make smoke signals
bring in some new blood it feels like we're alone
grab a blanket brother so we don't catch cold from one another
i wonder if we're stuck in rome

where can a dead mand go
a question with an answer only dead men know
but i'm gonna bet they never really feel at home
if they spent a lifetime learning how to live in rome

so i was campin this weekend. it was so nice out. it was sunny, and warmm. it was amazing. i pushed my sister into a river. it was hilarious. she looked like a rat.

some how i knew.
SHORTY IS A KILLA!

bahaha
so im like really hyper. like woah. i miss marissa.
uhm. so i have like 10 days til im off groundmentt.
im like HYPED!

so im at my daddy's. its nice outsiddeeee.
im in a really good mood.

im dancing to the song on the radioo.
its the new madonna song. 4 minutes to save the world.
=]]]

so i love listening to uneducated people argue about politics.
they think theyre so cool.
this one guy kept bringing up the jesuits.
i laughed.
then they got into shit like "oh youre so dumb, you must be a virgin."
some people.
they are h i l a r i o u s!

really bad. but i hate taking medicine. i really do.

dude.
why are guys so unfair.
they only see the side that will make you look bad.
i hate liars.
i think they all need to BURN.

w/e
i think im getting sick.
peace.

i was thinking.
why should i care?
why should i care about what happens to any of them?
theyre all gonna end up in the same position. poor, single, and lonely.
but he makes me want to care.

you on the other hand,
you show me everything that is bad in the world.
you cant seem to handle anything that makes you uncomfortable.
you really need to learn how to control your sarcastic tendencies.

i cant help that i dont like you.
i cant control how much you repulse me.
you make me want to vomit.

i dont think you know what he does for me.
he changed the way i see a lot of things.
he opened my mind to maybe believing things i never wanted to before.
he makes me happy. cause he accepts me.
you really need to learn to accept what you cant change.
learn to live with it.
im not going to ask him to change for me.
but im not going to change for you either.
what youre doing is pretty much like asking me to restart.
and i wont,
and you know that.
so stop wasting your time and breath.

so did you guys like the poem nakamij wrote for me?
it made me GRIN.
hes pretty cute.
hha.
so like he makes me look forward to the summer after my 17th birthday,
im really excited.
like REALLY.
my daddy asked me what type of car i wanted.
i want a little car that is great on gas.
and it cant be UGLY.
omg. i would keep on walking everywhere.

so he offered to buy me a new purity ring.
mine broke.
i had to say no.
the one he wanted to get me was too much.
way too much.
its so pretty.

well i think im going to try to pay attention.
its hard.
but its Anne Frank.

The Smell of your hair
The taste of your kiss
These are the things
That I will miss.
The sound of your voice
The feel of your hand
They affect me many ways
You can never understand
The love in your heart
The peace in your eyes
They make me feel
like I want to cry
You are a gift
that God gave to me
and i can just feel
that we are meant to be.
Ill love you forever
I hope you do too.
For its only a short while
before we say"i do".

-he wrote that for me. and i got goose bumps.wow.


so today at school i got stung by bee. i screamed. it hurt. a lot. it was in gym class. but i hate the new nurse so i dealt. shes like so mean. shes horrible. i miss mrs. t.

haha. george broke the screen today. it fell out the window. it was a riot. he blmed it on katie. i was rolling. and my teacher was just like whatever. she sent them outside to get it. shes so non chalant.

today was amazing. ask me about it. =]
its wednesday.
bye.


heres another one of his poems.

Love me the way i want you to,
grasp me in your arms as u always do.
I feel an ease melting in your arms,
you set me free, you make me calm.
Make me lay my head on your shoulder,
I feel your strength inside me and you make me bolder.
Your hands crawling so gentle over my hair,
from deep down i feel a touch of care.
You pull me tightly much closer to you,you can feel me and the same i can do.
Your hands hold mine tightly,and i get lost in your world slightly.
Give me the love i always desired for,
let me feel the soul of yours.
My heart now wants nothing more just your LOVE thats truely pure....

So these are some of my favorite speakings. Comment me. Tell me which one you like best. They all mean something very special to me. So I thought I'd share them with you. (:

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."
John 15:13

"And I've known others, and loved others too, but I loved them as they were stepping stones on a staircase to you."

"Your hands hold mine tightly,and i get lost in your world slightly."

True love waits, the inscription on my purity ring. :]

"Fortune favors the brave."

Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire. - Arab Proverb

"If you bow at all, bow low."

"Charity sees the need not the cause."

"There's the country of America, which you have to defend, but there's also the idea of America. America is more than just a country, it's an idea. An idea that's supposed to be contagious."

"Back up and let go if you've never been here, You've never been to the place inside, I face my fears, It takes everything I am"

"Fully alive More than most Ready to smile and love life Fully alive and she knows How to believe in futures"

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

"And so faith is closing your eyes and following the breath of your soul down to the bottom of life, where existence and nonexistence have merged into irrelevance. All that matters is the little part you play in the vast drama."

"But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way."

"Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need."

"I swear Id burn this city down to show you the light."

"And in his 16 year old heart, he made a silent vow, he was going to marry her one day."

"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it."

"Im not addicted to drugs. Im not addicted to sex. I dont lose my temper quickly. I actually care. Im not like most guys, now am I?"

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."

"Hate no one; hate their vices, not themselves."

"What a mistake to suppose that the passions are strongest in youth! The passions are not stronger, but the control over them is weaker! They are more easily excited, they are more violent and apparent; but they have less energy, less durability, less intense and concentrated power than in the maturer life."

"We could learn a lot from a box of crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors... but they have all learned to live in the same box."

"Life is about using the whole box of crayons."

"Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche -- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, 'The black cat is always the last one off the fence.' I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly true."

marissa

if you dont want people to know, dont fucking tell anyone. or if it slips, lie and cover it up.
dont blame me if people find out.

but marissa never promised. so...
maybe you should know that people arent gonna believe it, but theyll spread it anyway. we all know youre doing it for attention.
so maybe you should think before you say things because you cant take words back. i saw everything. so did a lot of other people did too. a lot of people that would love to corner you with your own words. so shut up.

this school was built on drama, lies, and caddy girls who want attention. so dont be surprised when everyone knows by the end of the week.

but any way.
im in school.
and ryan isnt.
and im jealous.

Marissa dosent wanna gooooo.

but yeah. kamij is still sleeping. he has half a day. lucky duck.
im in slammis' class. and casey is planning on making slmmis yell at herr. hhahha.

haha.
Marissa calls me Chewey.
Chewey is short for Chewbaka.
Im a wookie.
omg.
thats A M A Z I N G!
it really makes me happy.

but w/e im gonna do my work.
peace.

i was only in the building 2 minutes and there ws already drama. dude. i laughed.
so this weekend BLEW. i stayed home all weekend with the exception of church on sunday. there i got to chill with this cutie named Collin. hes my cousin Steven's friend. there i learned that all 3 of my cousins are joining the army. my favorite, timmah, is leaving for basic right after school lets out. hes excited b/c once his older brother joins, hell be above him. i was confused. but i was scared to ask because they obviously planned all of it. while at church, i also learned that my favorite old man in the WORLD has cancer. it was scary. this man has been like my grampa since i was born. i was sad. they said he has a good chance of recovering, but still.
haha. on friday, seth left his phone on the bus, and i had to bring it to him. i knocked on his door and he ran outside and attacked me. he was like "yes now the sausage fest can start" and i figured they were having male bonding time. he asked if i wanted to stay, but the thought of a room PACKED with guys ll playin HALO3 repulsed me. nathan wanted me to stay to. but its w/e. he owes me HUGE though. lol.
im reading this series called the Vampire DIaries. and theyre chock full of cuties. i was like WOAH. haha. My favorite is this humble HUMAN named Matt. Figures, i would go for the human. im so predictable. its disgusting.
dude, saturday, my friend Nakamij was like "wanna hang outt?" and i was like "i cant" and he was like "ill come break you out. theyll never knoww" it was funny b/c hes scared shitless of my step dad. it made me laugh.
omg. im involved in so much drama. and if a certain someone finds out, he will be PISSED. he is so protective. its crazy. but i miss him. a lot. =]
so now im in Sammis' class. hes A N N O Y I N G. but i love him. hes so funny. omg. on friday, he laughed and it was so hilarious i started like hysterical laughing. it was great.
have you ever been so confused it made you sick. i have to make a decision and i dont wanna make it. and im scared. to death. because if i choose wrong, a lot of people could end up being hurt. but i cant go into detail.

w/e
bye

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

[Chorus]

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

i love you.
alright?

so me and marissa have this insider. its actually really involved. the shake started last summer. we were picking on this pichure of our friend richi. he is holding up his hand infront of his face like hes making a 3 to himself. we picked on him about that SO BAD.
but like this year in health [we find our health teacher a RIOT] we were talking about self image. and he was like "do you have a close friend network' and me and marissa, realizing that weve stayed friends through a lot of shit, named our 2 peron club "friend network"
the richi insider from earlier came i handy when thinking of a handshake. we do a 3 finger shake whenever the moment needs it. we shake when we finish eachothers sentences, speak at the same time, do something stupid, or are being too cool for school.
its so funny when people think theyre in the network. theyre all like "were in marissa and ashleys friend network" and we laugh and shake b/c we know that its not true. our network is us. we havent let anyone in, and we probably wont unless we find someone equally amazing.
but til then. youre not in the network. and we love you.
peace.

so marissa wanted me to post a blog titled Missa! so i did.
lmao.
but like yeah. i was on idolstalker and i posted a killer comment.

so david definately killed the song. his voice cracked so bad. but its proven that male singers who start at a young age, dont vocally mature until a lot later in life. you cant blame it on puberty. but like i love that boy. he could sound like dying cat, and i would vote for him.
i think that song is amazing. my friend David Cruz sanfg it to me in comparison to David Archuleta’s and i realized that maybe it takes a certain voice to sing certain sonngs. David A can sing, undoubtidly, but from what ive seen, when he tries to play it safe, he usually gats too comfortable and messes up. but i love him, hes cute, and has an amazing voice. so like. yeah.

in response to David Archuleta's "You're The Voice" performance.

its cute.
he did bad.
bu i liked it.
cause hes cute.
=]

no more drama?!
dude. really. like fersure.
people are so confusing. like they dont know that they want. they need to learn because until they do, they wont be happy with anything they get. its like that ghey saying, help yourself before you let someone else help you, or some shit like that. its pretty dumb.

so like who watched Idol Gives Back? dude, i did, and i smiled the ENTIRE time. David Archuletta is my BOY. and i realized that Bono is my hero. I really wanna be able to give like that. I made my mom donate $12. In Africa, $12 can save a life. $10 for a mosquito net, and $2 for the medication to prevent malaria. It really touched my heart. I think my favorite part was when Simon went to the ladies house and i was like "he has a heart?!"

lmao.
i <3 idol. it really is my life!

so yeah. peace. for now.

but im going to any way.
haha. george is sitting next to me copying my paper. this is not anything new. its actually strange when he doesnt.

Marissa won[marissa93.blogspot.com]!
its a real accomplishment. cause this person is hard to beat.
i have only personally beat him 2 times. =]

so this guy [we will call him Joe] is pretty disgusted with this girl who happens to be my bestie[we will call her sally].
sally became "good friends" with this other guy [we will call him Tom].
and joe found out about sally's friendship with tom.
he wasnt very happy. it kind of made him mad b/c he likes sally a lot, and doesnt wish to know about her "friendships".
so were trying to calm him down.
its fun.

=]

so im hungry.
lunch is next.

and she was like i was worried that you would hate me. it was akward at first but the subject quickly changed. i apologized for being rude and freaking out. now im just waiting for him to come clean. =]

omg. i use the word trillz w/o noticing. and people ask me questions and i answer with it and they get all madd. its hilariousss.

really.
there are some people out there that just live to see other people unhappy.
they are so uncontent with their piece of shit lives that they have to fuck up other peoples.

some people are so shallow that i could step in a puddle of them and walk away dry.
realy.

all of you people out there that talk shit, stab backs, walk all over, humiliate, and fuck around with innocent people, im here to let you know exactly how you ruin lives.

i have a friend.
and all your stupid rumors and lies have really taken a toll on her.
shes usually a relly happy person, but lately she has been sad.
she just found out that a girl that she used to call her best friend was really trying to ruin her life, and was really open about it. she crys a lot about it, and witth her anxiety problemss, this isnt good. the ex bestie knows what she is doing to my friend and hasnt stopped. she knows how horribly she is hurting my friend and ignors it. she keeps doing what she is doing without worrying what she is doing to the people she is walkin all over and stabbing in the back.

so next time you do something to benefit you, think about how it will hurt the other people involved.
that could save a life.

=/

dude.
who would do that to anyone?
you knew that i loved him.
you also knew that he loved her.
and you let him do it anyway.
what is your fucking problem?
i hope you burn in hell for what you did to me.
i didnt sleep.
i wont eat.
i cant breath.
i really hope you die.
you sat there and said i was your best friend. and that you would never do that to me. you said you didnt even like him. but then i find out that you did this and planned to hide it from me. whatkind of "friend" would do that. alteast be honest about it and tell me.
then you have the nerve to come to my house like nothing happened.
what the hell is that!!??

you make me sick with all of my being. ive never hated someone with this much of myself as i hate you right now. im never going to be able to forgive you as long as i live. and i want you to know that when i wake up at night screaming his name its because of what you did to me. when i throw myself infront of a bus its on your conscience. this is ll your fault. and im gonna make you P A Y! havnt you ever heard of self respect? cause i would have never known by you performance.

so shut up and die.
cause nobody likes you.
not even him.
so suck my dick.
skank.

its pretty deep.
its about respect.
it kind of raises some questions in me.
they dont matter.
but some of the things tht my classmates are saying make sense.

so we were watching Freedom Writers.
its really funny in a way.
the white kid is my FAVE!
hes all innocent and stuff.
its adorablee.

but during the movie, brian[my comic relief and bestest buddy] sat on a piece of cereal.
then his butt started hurting from sitting on the floor and he was like "i wish my butt was bigger"
i was ROLLIN.
it took all i had to control myself.
he really is h i l a r i o u s!


now im in NJ ASK.
this class is a waste of time personally.
really.
i mean, its an easy A, but for real.
im watching spencer watching a BMX video.
its pretty cute.

next i have lunch and then spanish then health.

yesterday in health we had a conversation about H A S H.
there were only a select few of us who knew what we were talkin about.
it was funny when those kids who dont know anything tried to dive into the conversation like they get high every day.

this morning in science dooley kept calling me a stoner.
it really made me angry.
im not a stoner.
i am best friends with a stoner, but that doesnt make me one.
i hate when people judge me.
really.

haha.
when george walks, he jingles.
its pretty funny.
it really is.
hes like my health buddy.
we do everything together in that class.
mr.d is always yelling at us b/c we talk too much.
its funn though.
hes a real push over.
all you have to do i whine.
he hates it when people are upset with him, so if you act it, he gives in.

its really quiet in class.
i think people are playing that stupid bubble gamee.
ha.
its such a waste of timee.

well imma go.
=]]

i know that i have issues.
i dont need you to tell me that. everyone else does it plenty.
really it hasnt even been 24 hours.
her best friend?
what is that?!
if i was her[which im NOT] i would be so upset. i never thought id say this but i feel bad for her.
ive heard of "on the rebound" but be for real. her best friend?
i thought i was bad.
you are the icing on the "im gonna be a 50 year old unmarried man with 35792436727 kids" cake.
hahahaha. that was good.

but really, you think you can hurt anyone and its not gonna change my opinion about you.
you need to put your priorities in order, and love yourself before you can love anyone else without always being scared of getting hurt.
maybe that will teach you. if it doesnt i will.
im gonna tell you exactly how i feel.
maybe not.
but youre gonna get a reality check.
and i hope that it hits you HARD! no one.
not even a liar like her deserves that. nd i hope you BURN for it.
i know, you think im being stupid.
im just this silly little girl who doesnt know anything about being in a relationship and loving someone.
if i dont know shi then teach me.
how wil i ever learn if you dont give me a chance.
youre so worried about me getting hurt, but you dont realize youre the one hurting me.
i would never actually tell you this, but i think you know.
you cant go on denying whats there.

so im scared of you.
prove to me that i shoudnt be.

but for now.
all i can do is wait and play my cards right.
so when you decide you want to grow up come see me.
=/

really.
you piss me off so much sometimes.
i cant tell whether to let myself love you, or run away screming.
i know, you think i deserve better than you, and shit.
but i dont care.
sometimes the prize is worth the fight and constant struggle.
you relly light up my life.
your everyday bull shit is what makes me love you.
people are always like, leave him alone, go on as if you never met him.
i dont think they understand, youre unforgettable.
really.
can you just forget someone that has made this big of a difference in your life?
the way you do certain things, and the way you dont do certain things.
its magical.
maybe someday youll understand.

you always say, make me understand.
but you dont know how i cant.
i cant.
there arent ay actions to let you know how i feel.
i would take a bullet for you.
i would donate my heart for you[seeing as how you already have it]
i would change anything about me so you wouldnt have to change anything about you.
i love you.

so stop it.
you dont know how youre tearing me apart.
<3