it was like being punched in the face. and i couldnt bring myself to say that it hurt. it did. it hurt terribly. like twisting something into a spot thats already home to way too many dusty memories and painful words once dwelled upon but now pushed to the far corner of my brain.
you kissed me on the sidewalk. then you left me standing there. i couldnt make my legs move. i was too concerned with holding my ribs together so the liquid that was now drowning everything inside me didnt make a mess on the curb. i wouldnt want to spill it on anyone's shoes. its my burden. not a poor pedestrians. i stood there. for what seemed like hours. and when i finally came to, your lights were out, and someone was calling my name.
i know it was partially my fault. mostly mine. but not singularly mine. you said yourself. its a two way thing. and you were to blame too. i dont want to admit it. because for some awful reason, its easier to blame myself.
I have squandered my resistance
For a pocketful of mumbles
Such are promises
All lies and jests
i dont want tomorrow to come. i dont want to have to clean up the mess i made. i want it to be fixed. but i dont know how much more i can bear. im not as strong as i used to be. he wore me down.
i dont know why i wrote this blog. it just made me feel worse. ugh.
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