testing

We don't even talk any more. We don't even know what we argue about. Don't even say 'I love you' no more'. Cause saying how we feel is no longer allowed. Some people work things out. And some just don't know how to change.

so i hate when i am faced with an ultimatum. one that i know needs to me made. and whatever i choose im losing someone. its a horrible feeling. one that literally makes me sick. how can any one person make a decision like that. so ive done some things in my past im not proud of. we all have a couple chains. i dont wear mine proudly but im not going to deny any one deed. i dont understand how one person can change me so much. make me want to be better. at everything. and its horrible that i fail at it.

is it horrible that i still shiver when i hear your voice? that when you even brush my arm the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight? when i see you i get butterflies? when i think about you my heart is almost in my mouth? if it is then kill me because i like being horrible.

then you look at me and i always see what i have been searching for. im lost as can be. then you look at me. and i am not lost anymore.

i just wish it was still like 3rd grade when things were simple. not so complicated. not so entailed. i wish i could keep my dam mouth shut.

iloveyou.

and i have no idea why.